We spent our childhoods together with quarrels, punches, complaints, anger, hates, and everything else that you can think of from siblings relationships. Our relationship was so terrible that every Christmas, our mum always said that her only wish was for us to stop fighting each other.
Now that I think about it, I guess I just wanted an acceptance during my childhood, especially from her. She is my older sister and no matter how silly she was (actually even until now, we’re still silly sisters), I wanted to impress her. I wanted her to notice me and to see me at the same level as her, not as a young immature little sister. But the more effort I did, the more we hated each other because it showed my insecurities which made her felt insecure and it was very uncomfortable for both of us. I didn’t realize that there was no point of being insecure in a relationship when you truly have a compassion for the other person. Life is not always a competition of who’s better at math or who loves more or who sacrifices more.
Well, I used to hate the time when she complained about my munching sound, my whines, my clumsiness, my immature acts, and especially my weaknesses. I mean, come on, I was just a little kid that time, why didn’t you just understand me and agree with me all the time. That was my very thought. But deep down inside my mind, of course, I knew she was right that I was everything she’d told me. It’s just my mind was too occupied with myself and my pride was still soaring as high as my cholesterol level right now.
It hurts to hear all the bitter truths about your habits were being slapped to your face. But oh my, now that I’ve become a grown-up person, I realize that I am nothing without her. I won’t be this strong if it’s not because of her. If she didn’t complain to me about my munching sound, maybe I wouldn’t have known how to behave in public. If she didn’t complain about my whines, maybe I wouldn’t have the courage to find my own solution of my problems before starting to complain and who knows, maybe I wouldn’t have friends right now (who likes to hear a person whines all the time?). She’s like my medicine: sometimes bitter but in the end, she always makes me a better person. I just can’t thank enough to her that she has never given up on me and to my mum for her years of Christmas prayers.
